My Partner for Life - The Untold Story

19 mos and 18 days ago.. I met the man that will turn out to be the one partner I will choose to spend the rest of my life with.

The way we met was surreal...

It was the kind that most people will throw a raised eyebrow at  or the kind that people will question the sincerity of the relationship not to mention lambasting the feelings that most of us would call as "fake". 

You are right, we met through chat. (Thanks to Kate for introducing me to Globe chat!)

We abused the network's unlimited text and call promos to its core. Like most people, I was also cynical about "pseudo relationships and pseudo boyfriends". I had my fair share of heartbreaks and tears. So yeah, I gave a fake name, fake address and faked every detail that will lead to the real me. Who wouldn't? Picture this. He just came back from a 3-year stint in Korea and just ended a 5 year relationship that failed in the most epic of ways.

At the onset, I thought this is the best situation, I don't have to meet him. We can both spend time talking about random stuff and not really commit to each other. He may be leaving again soon and it will be for the best. No hard feelings. Just enjoying the fact that someone is out there asking me if I've taken my meals for the day and someone to give me that warm and fuzzy feeling once in a while. Ideal. Not real but it will get me by the loneliness. Of being alone. 

So we went through our routine. But somehow, somewhere in between.. a realization kicked in. I love this person. I am truly in love with him in the most honest and unadulterated way. I was yet again facing a new dilemma of how to tell him that the only thing true about what he knew about me was that i love him dearly. One day while we were at it again.. (daily routine) I just blurted out the truth. It's all or nothing right? I can't go on nursing the lies while I hope that he will not turn his back on me. Oh and it was liberating! Finally being able to tell him everything, not leaving any stone unturned. And his reaction, a faint giggle and welcoming arms (figuratively). It was only then that I realized that he had been honest all along. I am so ashamed of myself. The distrust. The lies. I am happy that it finally ended. 

After my confession, we made everything official. I was his girl. I am the happiest. At this point, we have not seen each other, not yet. We both chose not to discuss about "meet ups" and "eyeballs'. We just enjoyed talking to each other and planning our lives. Yeah, we planned our future. We trusted fate to bring us together, no rush. Then in December last year, 9 months after my confession.. he finally asked me out. Not on a date, but in the guise of helping him pick a gift for a baby girl who's name he drew from the kris kringle hat. And yes, the rest is history. What stood out in my memory was the shy smile he had when we first saw each other. The moment I saw him, I was complete. My heart felt like it was about to burst and go off my chest. 

Then in March of this year, I had the accident. Without having the luxury of walking on both feet, he offered to take care of me. He stayed with me at our condo in Alabang. Happiest days, I must say. And again, just when I thought I couldn't be happier.. he asked me to marry him. Oh, I can still remember how I felt. Cold, trembling hands. Overwhelming feeling. Tried so hard to fight back the tears... I said YES in an instant. It took me years to finally find him and I am not about to let him go. Not in a thousand or even million years!

Today, I am just counting the days for when I can be officially called Mrs Jefferson Alcantara. 

The dark days are finally over and the new day is here promising bright days ahead. 

The waiting has ended.. My partner for life finally found me. 

In the next month, I will be posting updates on the wedding preps and other stuff. 

12.20.14 - Save the date!

-=US=-

Ground Zero

Two years. 

That's how long I have been gone. No posts.. no updates. Nada. zilch. 
Give or take this is the same number of  years I spent with Convergys. Yeah, I kept myself busy at this time. Now that I have the free time, I said "Melissa, it's time to visit an old friend."

Needless to say, I missed blogging so here I am.. unemployed (hopefully not for long..) and just scribbling some random thought to the universe.

How do I start to describe and put into words the last two years of my life. It is overwhelming. Just thinking about it,makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Oh boy the past couple of years were definitely packed with great experiences and life changing decisions. 

Convergys was my home since August 2011...15 days ago, I left home. 

It wasn't an easy decision to leave the company but it had to be done. I left with a heavy heart as I have grown to love most of the people I worked with. I handled 2 lines of business within my CVG stint and must say that I enjoyed every minute of it. I gained a bunch of crazy and adorable aussie friends. Not to mention handling a whole lot of even crazier pool of agents. 

Within my tenure with the company, I had the opportunity to handle customer care and finacial services. Both had it's challenges but the most challenging was the Net Promoter Score. If you know how this works, then you know that this one's a bitch. lol Oh well, this is not the reason why I left. It's a more complicated scenario that I'd rather not discuss. 

It was also when I was with CVG that I got to experience the so called medical leave of absence. I had an accident and tore my left lisfranc ligament. It was almost 2 months of pain and immobility. Yes, crutches.. cane and oh the expensive Aircast. 

It was one hell of an ride. Bittersweet but I am still grateful because it came with some perks that I will be forever thankful for. (I will write about it in later posts). I valued each day that I spent not being able to walk and just staying at home. It brought forth life lessons and precious realizations. It got my team together giving birth to what we now refer to as "Team Aircast"!

So yeah, what's next? Change of scene. Me and my gorgeous friends agreed to relocate to Makati in the next couple of months. Starting off with landing a new job at one of the Makati based companies and looking for a 4-bedroom condo unit that we can share. The plan is laid out well. Now we execute!

Life is in progress.. I am looking forward to the best that's yet to come. 

Till then, welcome back to my world!

Risen

Like the phoenix, I am back from the ashes.Risen with a renewed sense of self. I have just severed the ties that bind me to loathing and anger. It is not an easy feat, battling with oneself in a warfare inside my head. I succeeded. I have liberated the new "me" from my self-built prison walls.

                                              I am back in commission. 

on hiatus

hi·a·tus

1. A gap or interruption in space, time, or continuity; a break:

Bad judgments... one wrong decision after another. It seemed that nothing good is happening to my life. I am not pointing fingers but rather trying to comprehend why my life is all messed up. I need a break. From all of the things that bother me..from all
the hurt. 

my Report

Jump back 8 or 7 months from now... retrospection rocks. Self realization sits with me fairly well. Self actualization may be the next chapter in my messed up life.
In the meantime, I am happy to report the following,

Life truth #1. Grab it from the foodcart if you want it.

You see something and you think you want it. It's not yours -- but it could very well be so. It's not free and you can't afford it. But you want it so make it happen. You can't wait for the makki to jump at you, that is not how the foodcart works. Life presents you these things and you pick and choose... pick and choose.... pick and choose... then grab.

This is not to say that you will always like what you have at your hands. You are entitled to make mistakes and the things we want and grab will sometimes sting. That's just how the cookie breaks. Live with it.

Life truth #2. Pain wears off.

You see, I've cried my share of pain and it does go away. You just either run out of tears or run out of pain. YOU GET OVER IT. I, for one, sometimes feel silly thinking back and finding that I can't even recall what the hell I was hurting about two or three months back.

Inasmuch as painkillers wear off... pain is not as withstanding as the sun. Pain is not as constant as we deem it to be. Pain is overrated.

Life truth #3. Happiness... is inevitable.

It may not feel like it now for most people and there might not be any sign that this is true --these are irrelevant to me. I know for a fact that time eventually leads you towards happiness as sure as gravity pulls at you.

The trick is not to wait. Let it happen and sneak up to you in the most unexpected and unoppotuned time of your life. Right when you think that you're rock bottom and sure to die of depression... let the surprise of happiness hit you hard. Allow it to embrace you and open yourself to the sunshiny feeling that things are finally looking up. Succumb to fate.

in retrospect: my thoughts 2mos ago

My day in the office is punctuated by the tight solid door that just now begins to close behind me. And I'm off...

Earplugs are set in place to shun out the day that's letting out the morning sun and the familiar sound of heels and nonsense banter. One click of a button, a brief silence and then...

Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me why are you still so afraid?

Hey! I'm not so crazy! But yes, I am afraid. Scared shitless of failure. Anticipating uncontrolable rage blackouts. Looking back, always looking back.

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be before your time

In the past year I have worked and worked and worked and occasionally had fun. The anxiety is overwhelming and almost unbearable. I feel like I'm in a rut and I'm going nowhere, but all around me people are saying otherwise. Is it time? MY time? What to believe?! Nuninu...

You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true

Unfulfilled dreams are inevitable, I know that. You simply can't have them all. Some things, you just have to let go. And dream another dream if that makes you feel better... gives you purpose. Mental note, DO NOT BE A FOOL.

But you know that when the truth is toldThat you can get what you wantOr you can just get old
I find my lips mouthing the last lines... 
WHEN WILL YOU REALIZE, VIENNA WAITS FOR YOU...

Silence.

out of breath whispering a letdown... 


Ahhh. 

Morning session over. Player is set on random today and Taken by Cars is up.

without hope or agenda

My day was punctuated with yet another healthy dose of romance through the brilliance of Richard Curtis' "Love Actually"...

It struck me now more than ever how I had passed on the chance of some good love for the then apparent strength of longetivity and unparalleled mutual awareness that had developed through time.

Suffice it to say, I was wrong.

As I recap in my head the long gruelling years of silencing my true soul and utter disgregard for my real self, I wonder why - as I have so many times - stayed in that rut. It was in so many ways an inconvenience... in so many ways, incorrect. And yet I found a constant source of love and patience and understanding and SILENCE.

Without hope or agenda, I waited on for what was to be a pitiful and ugly end.

Without hope or agenda, I now step in, again, let myself fall... Allow myself the luxury of this intense emotion that I had never seen in me before.

Is it now, as before, unwise to walk into such unsizeable paths? Is it now, as before, unwise to lay my cards on the table and let the game play on? Whatever the answer is, it should right about be TOO LATE NOW. The truth is out. The cards have been played. The music is now ringing in my ears.

Without hope or agenda, I will tell you this... I feel love. I feel love and I am not about to step down. Not just yet.

PAIN IS GOOD

so i overdosed on grey's anatomy today. who cares? but i picked up something... pain is good.

so i'm not in total pain. painfully confused probably but it's not so bad. and i can't complain really. if i learn to wait it out... if i learn to be patient... it'll all fall into place and it'll all be good... eventually... EVENTAULLY.

so i guess i wasn't born patient. and yes, i am the type who doesn't really mind knowing the ending. i don't. i'd still enjoy the story as much.

and i appreciate transparency and i like brutal honesty. if only the future can afford to be brutally honest now and tell...

"no girl, you'll end up with this guy... not that guy that you like so much... it's gonna be THIS GUY. you'll like him too... you'll see."

i know, i know. i'm being a brat and i can't have this easy. cause its not supposed to be easy and there's supposed to be a certain amount of pain...

painfully waiting...
painfully wondering...
painfully anticipating...

and i think i'm too old be dancing to this tune and i'd rather sit already and have that drink at the bar that you get right after you dance the dance and just right before the boy goes home with the girl. but i guess the world and all else in it have agreed that i should continue to dance around and wait while my feet hurt...

so i dance...

painfully dancing to the tune of the waiting game...

but i heard them say it today... pain is good. pain reminds you that you are alive. pain is there for a reason. i hope the reason gives me a kiss soon... kiss the pain away...

State of Apathy

I see you under unflattering lenses.. I tried to see through you, beneath the incompetence and lies..the shadows of doubt and distrust. You never proved me wrong but somehow confirmed that you are who I thought you were from the start. Despite the second chances, you continued to be the selfish beast that drag people into the labyrinth of deceit. 

I abhor the things that you have done. 

I detest everything about you. 

I hate your guts. 

Today, is my independence day from you and your filthy schemes. 
I will stop hating and feel nothing about you...

GOOD RIDDANCE!

kilig

1 adjective. It is a sudden feeling of joy. Maybe an anticipation of joy, or just being overwhelmed with your inexplicable emotions you are feeling right at that moment. This is how http://pinoyslang.com defined the word KILIG. 

I can't remember the last time I felt "kilig". It's a surreal feeling... funny to some point. I am amazed how a simple conversation made my day. I said to myself, "I am too old for this cheap thrills" but someone told me that age is just a number. Love [or the feeling of being in love] and the heart never grows old. It made me think and concurred.  

I am NOT in love. That's something definite at this time but I guess feelings like this will always have a room in anyone's heart. Kilig is not solely caused by romantic reasons... there are a lot more reasons to feel this way. Oh well... 

Someone made me feel this way... a person from my past. An old friend looking to have new beginnings. Let's see where this leads us. For now... I still feel so kilig! ♥♥♥

2010 posts..

I have been out of commission for the past 5 months. Writer's block as you may call it. Not that there are no blog worthy occasions in my life.. it's just a plain and simple case of inspiration loss. The last quarter of 2009 was in fact very eventful. If I tried to scribble it into posts.. I may have written more than a dozen. But I opted not to. 

It's the 1st day of March. Almost the end of the 1st quarter of 2010. It's time to let out my emotions. The suppressed anger... the exhilarating feeling of welcoming new people in my life and the pain of saying goodbye to a few. 

I am back.. and this time I will keep a promise to write my thoughts..

Starbucks, Sinigang and Awakenings

As I was ordering my morning coffee... note that this was 12 in the morning... the barrista so nonchalantly awoke something in my goldfish-of-a-brain...

"ma'am, would you like to try our jalapeno pepper?"

(In my head, i was screaming, "AYOKO!!!!!!! SHET. Kape lang di ba? KAPE!")

"No thanks, i'll just get the frappe..."

So then I realized I had an online blog account that had been sleeping soundly for almost a year now.... It was time... time to awaken once again and put this flippin' channel to good use.

I went through my day... barely surviving... ate home cooked sinigang with my mom and set to work...

Welcome me back to self awareness... Welcome me back to self loathe...

Usher in an new era of angst... it is, after all, almost Christmas. And if you know me well enough... or long enough... you'll understand this bit. 

The swell of emotions render me helpless and so, the words flow... my writing comes to me... I grasp for air hoping not to say too much, nor too little...

Bus Stop

IN MY LIFE'S JOURNEY I HAVE...


... learned life's best lessons
... loved passionately
... died an emotional death
... met well meaning strangers
... formed great friendships

This list can go on and on but what does it mean really? This journey is not mere circumstance. By birth, this is our destiny. Our fate. We cannot not take this journey. It's just a matter of how it is presented to you.

Crossroads and bus stops define, if not sum up a person's journey. Every scar..every tear..triumph and  laughter tells a story. It can make or break a person. At 30, I am battle scared but resplendent. I have survived some of the hardest crossroads. From one stop to another I bring wisdom and strength.

Today, I am still at one of my bus stops and alarmed to have become comfortably numb waiting for the next bus. Keeping my fingers crossed that the ticket I have now would take me to the ride to happiness. 

Tinkerbell

I hate goodbyes. Bidding someone goodbye brings about anxiety... of being physically separated or emotionally detached to someone of great importance to our life. Separation is one of life's bitter aspects. I have lived through and survived a lot of physical and emotional separation in my life.

Today, I am saying goodbye to my manager. A person who not only inspired me to be the best supervisor there is but also to be the best daughter I can be to my parents. He is not merely a manager to me and to the rest of the CCC PLP Team.. he is a friend.

He fought my battles with me up to the very end. I will be forever grateful for the unconditional support he has given me. We share a common denominator being bread winners and he would often say "we are on the same boat"... we understand each other without having to provide lengthy explanations.

I have worked with quite a few managers in my entire career and Dex would definitely be my #1 if I were to rank all of them.

Cheers to you Tinkerbell!

bonding over HP6

My sisters and I have been following the Harry Potter series since its first book was released in 1997. Although we have not bought a book.. [yeah, not even a single one] we have managed to read all 7 installments. Today, we decided to watch Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at the SM Cinema. To say that I was disappointed with the movie was an understatement. It lacked the HP flair.. the magical side of the movie was somewhat bland. Oh well, I am not writing this post to criticize, I am not a movie critic.

The movie may not have satisfied my personal "magic fix meter" but it did pave the way for another bonding time with my siblings. I realized how I've missed them. It dawned on me that I have not spent quality time with them these past months. Sure we live in the same house but we are all consumed by our individual responsibilities that we forgot to bond as siblings. For sometime I'd say we just coexisted. My sister Meg, works for a casino. She is currently on 3 shifts and we rarely get to talk. Mia, is on her senior year in college. She is also busy joggling her way through classroom discussions and hospital duties. She too, works shifting hours. Our youngest Miko, is also preoccupied with school activities. We are 4 people who call each other family but failed to touch base on how we really are doing.

We used to joke around a lot and have pillow fights. Suddenly, I look at them and they have grown. Mia and Miko especially. My Chuchay and Bubum are now Mia and Ken to their friends.. they are now young adults starting to find their own place under the sun. I felt the need to reach out to them more. To start "talking" to them again.. I promised myself I would spend less time on sleep and Facebook during my rest days. Let them know that I am here and I will not let a day pass without telling them or making them feel that I love them.

It's not too late... we can still catch up on those lost months.

rubble

I love to write. Since I was in grade school I already keep a journal. I didn't own a fancy one but I have a pile of notebooks which I used as my diary. As I was growing up, I kept on doing what I do best...writing. [as far as i'm concerned..i'm good!] When it was my time to go to college, I wanted to take up a course that would hone my writing skills. But death to me, my mom had plans of her own. I was forced to take up a degree on Accounting. [sucks] I was so devastated that I stopped writing.

After graduation and a couple of months being a professional bum, I decided to work and never stopped working since. And with the busy schedule and toxic work horse life.. I forgot about writing. It was not until the day that I started traveling. My travels brought new inspiration and stirred the writer in me. I'm not after writing professionally at this point but just to get my thoughts out in the open. Writing to serve as an outlet of all my raves and rants.

Sure I was still using the old fashioned pen and paper way of writing my journals. Then Friendster happened. I tried to maintain my Friendster blog but failed. I still revert to the old reliable pen and paper. I was content until Daisy, one of my colleagues introduced Blogspot to me March of this year. I created my account and scribbled my thoughts away.

Lately, I haven't been able to write regularly. Mainly because my life seemed uneventful. I do have a lot of articles that remained as drafts until now. I guess we all come to a point that we write just for the sake of writing. Without feeling anything or without an objective or a purpose. Just to keep the thoughts out. This is my blog and whatever I write here is none of everyone's business. Sometimes I just hope that a few gems will come out of this rubble.

I am looking forward to writing more posts.. :(

MAFIA WARS

I am addicted to Mafia Wars. My sister couldn't understand where the "fun" is, but who cares? I enjoy it and most of my friends enjoy it too.
I am a Level 34 Mogul and looking forward to leveling up my Mafia.

To my fellow Mafia Wars addicts.... keep the ENERGY PACKS comin'!

catchin zzzz...

Sleep is a luxury I work hard to afford...

So sick..

Since I started my professional career I have always been an advocate of good reliability. Productivity starts with being at work and being able to fulfill the assigned tasks efficiently. As a supervisor, I want to lead by example. This is the best way to encourage and influence reps to achieve their fullest potentials.

Just this week, I had to call in sick for 2 days. I am not happy about it. I had to cancel important meetings. I was feeling a little bit under the weather and due to the H1N1 scare, I decided to give myself time to rest.

Your result for The Intellectual Sexiness Test...

Intellectual Inferno

You have an intellectual sexiness factor of 81!

Who am I to give you advice? You already know everything you need to know, and if there's something you don't know, you're eager to check it out. You are among the few special minds in the world that are truly free, totally creative, and absolutely sexy.

The downside is, it's hard to find partners who can keep up with your quick, vigorously sexy mind. You often find yourself bored with anything less than exciting sex, and only those who equal your intellect, your openess, and your creativity can provide that excitment. You're an avid reader, a deep thinking, and a sexually liberated person. You enjoy learning for its own sake just as much as you enjoy sex for pleasure's own sake.

Your partner, if he or she is able to keep up with you, is extremely lucky to have you.

Take The Intellectual Sexiness Test at HelloQuizzy